Day 159: Fear of conflicts

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing conflicts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to avoid conflicts within the fear of facing them directly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that conflicts will always lead me to be the victim, there is some doom waiting me in the conflicts, within this want to avoid and hide from conflicts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear directly facing conflicts and directing them to a resolution in a way that’s best for all involved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing another’s emotions, emotionally charged words or behaviors, within that thinking and believing I will be a victim of their rage, not seen/realizing I have the choice and directive principle on how to respond and direct the moment into a resolution. In such moments, I see/realize and understand to consider the other beings as self in another life, and direct the moments to resolution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the childhood memories where any verbal disagreements or conflicts had the tendency where physical abuse and violence was part of the outcome, in that developing the fuzzy logic where conflict means danger, it means physical violence. This definition no longer serves me, now conflict means a disagreement, a misalignment, which can be corrected and realigned with proper communication and words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress fears of conflicts by hiding or running way, instead of hearing, listening, and understanding another’s point of view, and see what I can learn and correct, and how I can share my point of view of the situation. Conflict doesn’t mean it has to end in physical violence.

Obviously conflicts are unpleasant, usually emotions go wild and nobody is listening to anybody, only raising voices and charged emotions and opinions are exchanged, within that tensions grow and beings go apart, in this I see/realize a stable point is needed, a grounding point, as if to ground the extra energetic charges back to earth. Like a sponge, to absorb the emotional energy in the conflict, and when the storm is settled, can direct all to hear solutions. On top of that carrying the fear of physical violence as part of conflicts doesn’t help at all, so I let go the fear of physical violence from memories, and see conflicts now for what it is, simply a misalignment, a misunderstanding, all of which can be corrected. conflicts don’t mean my life is in danger, or I am about get physically beaten up, the word conflict is not equal to the word violence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate the word conflict to the word violence, and in that associate emotions of violence and fear of violence to the word conflict. So instead of directing a conflict moment to resolution, I forgive myself for running away from conflicts, in fear of getting physically beaten up.

I commit myself to face the moments as self, face the conflicts of the moment as self, and not runaway, in facing them directly, I see/realize that I can offer resolutions. I am equal and one to the conflicts of the moment, I can’t hide in a cave of love and light in fear of facing conflicts, if anything it will only perpetuate the separation.

As within, so without, the inner conflicts is the source of outer conflicts, so by hiding from and fearing external conflicts, I am hiding from what’s within, the inner conflict, so I commit myself to breathe and ground myself, stabilize myself, in any conflict moments, and speak in a stable voice, and offer solutions in considering all as self.

Thanks for reading, inspired by #desteni

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