Like walking on eggshells, very carefully I avoid disagreements and debates at workplace, always within the fear that disagreements could lead to conflicts and then to some bad consequences. But disagreements are not totally avoidable, specially in software development where every chef has his own way to design code, very easily disputes could arise, when personal preferences, ‘likes’, ‘dislikes’ dominate, instead of common sense, yes even at workplace common sense can prevail.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear disagreements at workplace within the accepted fear that disagreements could lead to some bad consequences like getting fired or getting bad performance reviews.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blindly accept a fear around disagreements at workplace, as if every disagreement is a threat, not seen/realizing this doom outcome is my own creation, not real, because disagreement is actually different point of views, its not an attack on me, its not a threat to my life or livelihood.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize disagreement at workplace shows the need to present different point of views, better articulations, and explanations so that the other parties can come to an understanding, resolve the disagreements. Disagreements don’t mean my life is in danger or some impending doom is around the corner.
Fear of conflicts and fear of disagreements I developed as a child, growing up in a culture where disagreements or conflicts often had one outcome, violent imposition, domination, or corporal punishment, back then yes fear of survival, fear of threats to my life is understandable, but here/now this fear serves no purpose, now disagreements or conflicts doesn’t mean somebody will take me to the gallows, now this fear is totally irrational.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto childhood fears and memories of corporal punishment, where any sign of disagreement, dissension, or conflict could lead to bad outcomes. I see/realize and understand, disagreement is simply a misalignment of views, understandings or ideas, its not dissension, its not hostility, its not a threat to my life.
Disagreement doesn’t automatically lead to dissension or hostility, unless I accept and allow disagreement as act of hostility or as a pathway to bitter dissension.
I commit myself to see disagreements as a chance to clarify more, explain more, articulate more, help others understand my design, my point of view, without an energetic reaction. I realize at workplace or anywhere for that matter, if I explain, articulate, without the fear energy, without reaction, chances are others will listen.
When and as I see myself reacting to disagreements, or fearing disagreements, I stop I breathe, and take the opportunity to explain myself, articulate the ideas, instead of accepting and allowing disagreements to turn hostile or into some dissension, something unpleasant and bitter.
Disagreement is a chance to expand, explore and understand myself and another as self.
Thanks for reading, inspired by #desteni