Day 167: Living to work at a job?

Now that I am unemployed, suddenly it feels like I have no purpose, no meaning, who-cares, kind of giving-up and drifting, lethargic about life, am I a nobody without a job? Of course employment is tied to survival, paying bills, but why is employment tied to meaning and purpose to life? Because I have made it so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize this physical existence didn’t emerge into being so that I can work at a 9-5 job in the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate having a job to the meaning and purpose in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize purpose and meaning is something I give to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not create meaning and purpose outside of job and money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tie living to having a job. Living is not just working at a job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself drift and decay like in the theory of entropy without a job, as if its ok to drift and decay because apparently the primary purpose and meaning of life is having a job, being employed, valued and esteemed by the system.

No I don’t want to drift or decay, neither do I want to define my worth, purpose and meaning by having a job in the system. Being worthy in the system doesn’t say much. As is, its part of survival, need to be part of the system, having a job etc, to survive, but it doesn’t’ have to be the sole purpose and meaning to life.

Thus far, the 9-5 job kept me busy, its an occupation, time was occupied, yes it gave me a path to express creativity and a way to secure an income, and now no occupation, time is in ample, suddenly wondering what the hell is my purpose and meaning? what am I doing with this monotonous life?

The 9-5 occupation in the system, is hardly a reason to give myself a purpose and meaning, no matter how ‘important’ this occupation is, even the president will leave office in time, and then what?

Yes sense of drift and decay is real, if I allow it, lethargy is real if I allow it. So I commit myself see/realize and understand, its who am I, that will determine the purpose, reason and meaning to my life, NOT my employment situation.

A moment is here as self, a day is here as self, an hour of time is here as self, an event is here as self, an encounter is here as self, yes even a job in the system is here as self, physical activities and mundane routines are here as self, sentient and non sentient beings are here as self, in fact every moment of breath is here as self, meaning and purpose is self-created in all such moments in life, because LIFE is here in this very moment, that’s when and where purpose and meaning is found. So in welcoming, in embracing this moment here, I can direct myself to not drift, not decay, no be lethargic, instead be directive, be driven, be creative, be considerate, be active, be participatory, be engaging, be contributory, be expansive, be inclusive, in realizing life is here.

So no I am not living to work at a job, rather living to live and realize the responsibility that all of life is here as self, job/work is just one dimension/expression of myself.

Who am I in every moment of breath is the question.

To be continued …

Thanks for reading, inspired by #desteni

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